Pooptastrophe

I’m not going to post any pictures with this one… ew.

It was an early Tuesday morning.  I was nursing the baby and so my husband was the one who went to the kids’ room to get the girls out of bed. 

“MIA? GET IN HERE!” I heard him call.  I put the baby down (he gave me a slightly annoyed look at having been dislodged so unceremoniously).  I braced myself for what I’d see and stepped into the room.  At first I couldn’t tell what was going on.  Christian was staring at Twinkle Toes who was standing in her crib.  I’m not sure how to describe the look on her face, it was a combination of guilt, shock, and a touch of helplessness.  She didn’t know what to make of the situation and as I neared her crib I understood why. 

Twinkles likes to get dressed and recently she’s discovered that getting undressed is pretty awesome too.  She was undressed from the waist down, right to her bare bottom and, you guessed it, she’d pooped.  Last week Pinky plopped a little log right on the living room floor between her bath and a new diaper and, although disgusting, it wasn’t really a big deal to clean up.  This was NOTHING like that.  Twinkles had poop smeared EVERYWHERE.  Up and down her legs, on the slats of her crib, across her blanket and sheets.  She even had a smear under her bottom lip, ew, that visual still makes me heave a little.  She stood in the center of the disaster zone (I was thanking all the powers that be that she hadn’t decided to crawl out of the crib that day!) just staring at me as I drank in the full magnitude of the scene.  My husband was still sputtering beside me so I remained calm, “Do you want the baby or the bed?” I asked.  He chose baby and we wrapped her up burrito style and he carted her off to the tub.  I was left with the glorious task of gathering the remains of the poopsplosion, wipe off as much poopnel (haha that’s my clever twist on shrapnel) as I could and bag up the bedding to be washed.  Yuck. 

Pinky watched from behind her crib tent with wide eyes saying, “No poop-a in da bed!” That’s right, Pinky, there should be no poop in da bed. 

Since that day we’ve made sure to put Twinkles in a onesie at every sleep time (which involves an outfit change for naptime–worth it!) and even then she managed to shimmy out of a onesie with an especially large neck and get naked again.  I was warned that poop flingers are usually repeat offenders and I’m sure if she managed to escape her diaper again and pooped that she wouldn’t be able to resist touching it.  Someone suggested duct tape around the diaper but I’m not sure she wouldn’t be able to shimmy out of that too.  Last night I forgot to put a onesie on her and late in the evening my husband told me to go check on the girls… he’d flipped back her blanket to find a naked bum underneath!  I managed to re-diaper her backwards without waking her up before any catastrophes occured.

On the plus side she’s made the decision to use the potty and in three days has come pretty close to fully day-training herself!  I’m hopeful that when she’s fully trained she’ll be willing to at least leave her underwear on over night… then again if I put them in undies at night I’ll have to let them roam free so they can get up to pee and I’m not sure I want them trained badly enough to suffer through their bedtime shenanigans out of their cribs.  Either way we’ve hopefully lived through the last pooptastrophe of our parenting careers!!!

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